Lauren Reeves. Actress. Comedian. TV Host. Model. Improviser. Storyteller. Writer. Alaskan. New Yorker.
Straight off the guilty verdict in the Jodi Arias trial, I’ve come up with a list of 5 ways to help be found innocent in a court of law. I hope these tips keep all of you future Jodi Arias from the slammer.
1. Make “sexy eyes” with Jury members, odds are, someone in that group thinks they have a chance with you. All you need is one person to claim your innocence, this will lead to a hung jury resulting in a mistrial.
2. When you take the stand this is your chance to show off your personality. The best way to win a court room is through natural charm. Say the prosecution asks “why did you murder your husband?” Follow up with “Because he went to Jared.” I swear, everyone will laugh and be like, yup, I’d kill my man too!
3. Be flirty! During cross examination always giggle a little bit when the prosecution speaks. Then follow it up with “has anyone ever told you you’re cute when you’re mad?”
4. Never look better than the Judge. There is a similar rule in weddings to never outshine the bride. So, even if you are naturally better looking than the Judge, rub some dirt on your face, at least they’ll know you’re trying.
5. Instead of whispering in your lawyers ear, reach out and give them a wet willy. The media will love your quirky mannerisms.
It depends, but I usually switch between first base and pitcher.
Honestly, at least negative 5.
Lauren Reeves is an actress, comedy writer and model living in New York City. She is the star of National Geographic Channel’s Goldfathers and has appeared on Conan O’Brien, Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, and even YouTube. One time she spent 20 years of her life growing up in Alaska.
Watch Lauren chat with Jose Canseco on their first date.
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